LET IT GO

3 months ago something significant happened to me. When I was moving out from Zaragoza, city in the north-east Spain I sent all my belongings with the courier to Poland, because I did not want to carry it all on my back. The parcel never reached its destination. I lost almost all I had - clothes, jewelry, cosmetics, books, gadgets... The company was searching for it for a while, complaint form is Spanish was very complicated to fill for me and I did not paid for a proper insurance, so... I gave up to search for it after a few weeks.

What happened next and how it influenced my life?

First question in my mind was WHY?
As I see life as a puzzle of cause-effect I usually search for a reason why something happens and for what reason or maybe better said - what knowledge it brings. My first idea would be that I own too much and this is a painful lessons of not overbuying, of too much possession, but not...I own so little ...and I lost the little I had. I did not seem right, so I looked for another answer. Those who read it and know me they also know how often I move around and how recently this tires me. I am always aware of how much I have or what I buy, because I know that at some point I will HAVE TO carry it with me around (that was the reason I sent it on somebodies "back"). If I like it? I did, for a long time I really did, it gave me a feeling of freedom and I proudly called myself nomad...but now, I got to the point I actually look for some stability and I really would like to have a HOME. So I thought....maybe this happened to show me how much I am loosing with the constant changing place, houses and countries...? And opened my eyes for what I really want? Which is to buy a nice pot and couple of fine tea glasses and make myself a nest. And immediately I felt that is the right answer.
Rather a heavy lesson for me, I believe for everyone especially for a woman loosing all the clothes and jewels carefully collected by year and years is a big loss.  But in a way, this experience gave me a good feeling of what I truly want, which is always a good, enlightening moment.

The next question was WHAT THE F*CK NOW?
So, I knew I am not going to buy all my clothes in a one go to the shopping center - first, because I can barely choose one thing in all these shops, second it costs a lot, third I do not support the way those clothes are manufactured. Well...fortunately I am not short of friends in my size:) So I wrote to few girls if they can do a little review in theirs wardrobes and check if there is anything to get rid of. I had a premonition to wrote to one old friend who is a fashion designer (not very close friend, but one I always felt the same vibe with), so I risked. And yes, she had tones of close to give. The sad fact is that most of them were from the shops I mentioned before, but well, they have been already manufactured and paid and existed in a circuit, so I felt a bit better all of that. So, I ended up with more clothes I have ever had before all of them brand new, which is also rare, as I usually buy in second hand shops.

What these new wardrobe DID TO ME?
All of them a bit more elegant than I usually wear, darker and silky-like....I must had changed my style a bit. I was up for that. There aren't clothes I would choose in the shops, if I like them? They are not bad at all...just not really my style...But as I change my "style" more or less every two years - new haircut, new hair color, review of wardrobe - fixing, changing colors, buying accessories, etc. I am OK with that new, grown up me. For a while...:)


SUMMING IT UP.
I just let it go...and observe what happens next, how I feel and change.
Only what never change is constant change, so HELLO BAŚKA, new, silky, grown up woman:)